Lock and Key a bit weird for my taste


Did you know they still have speed dating events? I mean… isn’t that now looked down upon in the same pathetic way that people used to see Internet dating? AND… isn’t speed dating a thing that had already come BEFORE Internet dating, and it’s cycled back around, because… what? We can’t get enough of a bad thing?

On Nov. 4, there was a Lock and Key event at northside Claddagh Irish Pub. A Lock and Key event is arranged in such a way that men are given “lockets” to wear that match two to three different keys. Each woman is given a key. She moves about the room, trying to get her key into a lock.

Lock and Key events are an Indianapolis speed dating alternative.

If that isn’t a backwards euphemism for something, I don’t know what is.

Granted, seeing someone in person, looking them in the face – – there’s something to be said for that. There is certainly an impression one can get from a living, breathing human body standing directly in front of them. Good or bad, you’re gonna get a vibe. This can really expedite things.

BUT – – there’s also something to be said for taking one’s time online. Why “waste” all that time, you might ask. Here’s why. You know how it’s possible to be hooked up to a lie detector, and, while there’s only a slight chance, there IS still a chance that your nerves can read as lies on the machine? Meaning: you can be sent to Shawshank to spend several unpleasant years entertaining down in the laundry room?

Strange to say, I know, but women just aren’t used to meeting someone in person for the first time without any previous conversation or exchange of any kind online. And that exchange? That can really take the edge off. It can relax both parties, allowing them to be more themselves when the “in person” aspect of things finally rolls around.

Do you really want to come off as a big creepy creep to a dining room full of women? You really don’t. What you may know as simple enthusiasm and a deep, dark need to be loved may come off as lecherous and weird to a woman who’s never spoken to you before. But,  what if you’ve talked with a nice lady online for a week or two, and you both agree that personalities have meshed in such a way that it’s time to meet IRL?

Go for it.

But please, rethink speed dating. The only thing that will happen quickly is the speed with which your appeal will tank into the dating toilet.

There’s no flushing that. Nor is there a plunger big enough.

So heed my advice fellas. Go online. Make yourself a nice profile or four. And start mingling. There are plenty of women online ready to talk to you.

And no, I’m not talking about the ones who charge $2.95 a minute. Your need to be loved isn’t what those women are ready and willing to cater to.

Ya big buncha pervs.


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