(Don’t) Watch: Ludacris’s “Vitamin D”

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It has been seventeen years since Ludacris released his album “Back for the First Time.” Said album had the track “What’s Your Fantasy” which is a raunchy song that leaves very little to the imagination. I liked that song. Of course I was only fifteen years old when the song came out. As time has passed my taste in music has evolved; four minute songs with thin euphemisms about sex don’t do it for me anymore. I guess I’ve matured. Ludacris on the other hand…

“Vitamin D” is the name of the new Luda song and video. The title is clever slang for penis. If you think that’s clever you’ll love the plethora of ridiculously sexual lyrics. A sampling: I love big cheeks in between them sheets/Jump back, I can’t help myself/Got a n***a so weak and I get no sleep/’Cause the girls stay wetter than Michael Phelps. Also appearing in the video is Ty Dolla $ign. He contributes vocals that would have improved the track if they weren’t included in the final edit of the song.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. Luda is forty. He’s a movie star. He should make better music; that is to say he should make music with a little more substance. Scratch that. He can continue to make silly songs, but can he at least make some metaphors that are a bit less obvious?

The only thing noteworthy about the video (which is four and half minutes of Dr. Luda inspecting women’s bodies) is Ludacris’s airbrushed body. It’s weird. For some reason Luda wanted carved abs and pectorals and he didn’t care if they were , obviously fake. Again, it’s weird.

So anyway, this video is not worth watching. The abs thing does give it a little appeal. Other than that it’s a skip.

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